The Other Side
by radiantmoonlightlove
Summary: A goddess should know when to work and when to play, especially when she's not the one in charge. Naminé really should have known that, but now it's a lesson she (and those around her) must learn the hard way. Pairings include Axel/Roxas Riku/Sora Zexion/Demyx Saïx/Xemnas Cloud/Leon Naminé/someone...maybe...
1. Prologue

Title: The Other Side

Summary: A goddess should know when to work and when to play, especially when she's not the one in charge. Naminé _really_ should have known that.

Pairings (Subject to change):

Naminé/ ?

Axel/Roxas

Riku/Sora

Saïx/ Xemnas

Cloud/ Leon

Maybe others?

Rating: T/M

Disclaimer: I do not own. Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me, but to those who contributed to its creation...

Warning(s): Dark themes, hints at self harm/suicide, foul language, maybe more...

* * *

Prologue

There once lived a being with tremendous gift. Creating life was as easy as drawing images in a sketch book.

The lives she made, the paths they took, the lives they lived, how they impacted with one another...

It was fun in the beginning, but fun became boredom easily.

"So go outside and live," a being, an entity with abilities far greater than her own, encouraged her. "Drop the color pencils and go have some fun."

And that was what she went and did.

Dismissing the artist's room, she threw her artpad out the window and left the realm of creation behind.

Go have fun.

And happily, blissfully, stupidly, she did.

_Life outside was great!_ She thought. It was so much better than creating it.

But then, who would be left in charge?

A being, an entity with abilities far greater than her own, saved the artpad and picked up where the dropped pencils left off.

_Go have fun_, they encouraged the girl. But she should have taken her art with her when she left.

"Go outside and live," a being, and entity with abilities far greater than her own, encouraged her. "Drop the color pencils and go have some fun."

And that was what she did.

She made her life, made her path, lived her life, and impacted the lives of others...

It was fun in the beginning, but fun became boredom easily.

"It's over," her aged body closed its eyes.

Young again, She stood in a mansion and pushed the door to the artist's room.

"I'm ready." She announced. "I've had fun. Time to take me back."

"Go outside and live," A being, and entity with abilities far greater than her own, cracked a smile and slammed the door in her face. "You've dropped your color pencils.

Go have fun."

She reached for the artist's room door and pushed.

The world went black, and came back as another life.

_'What is going on?'_ She wondered, but she lived. She did not make her life, made her path, lived her (second) life, and impacted the lives of others...

Only to have the door slam shut.

There was a blackout.

A smile.

"Go outside and live."

And she was back.

Again.

Again.

And Again.

And Again.

Countless times. Until it refused to stop.

"Wait," she grabbed out to emptiness, clutching his red and black gloved hand in her trembling, fragile ones. "Why is this happening?"

Pale lips parted. "Because you wanted to have fun."

"But it's not fun anymore!" She shook her head and screamed.

She no longer made her life. She did little to make her own path.

She no longer lived her life. She feared it.

It was fun in the beginning, but fun became boredom easily. And boredom? It became fear very, very quickly.

"Everything's gone wrong!" She plead to inevitability with tears in her eyes. "I want to go home. Take me back..."

Golden eyes peered down at her from beneath pitch black bangs.

"You gave it all up." Vanitas pushed her back into her random, neverending cycle.

"You wanted fun, now there's nothing but 'fun' left."

XoXoXoXoX

But there was nothing "fun" left. She hated everything now, but nothing more than life itself. She hated it because she had once created it. Not all of it, she recalled distantly. No, because she had only gotten so far before she left to have "fun".

But there were individuals whom she knew she had given life to. There was the blond with the redhead, the one she knew would fall into madness, because that's what she had him do.

It, unfortuantely, also became something she would do. But that was when she was bored.

To think, she could come up with something like that on an off day. _Then_, she felt the shiver up her spine, _what inspired the story behind the redhead smiling at the blond? Where had he come from?_

Her?

No.

She hadn't come that far along in her artwork yet. Though, if she were honest, she would have cast aside her drawings if she had to design the green eyed male.

There was not enough black in her arsenal to color in his heart.

_Evil,_ she frowned, her listless gaze traveling to a crimson haired girl standing between two friends.

She recalled the artwork for the pretty girl, an elegant canopy of colors she had never used before, but would use if she draw up the perfect world for a perfect life.

But whomever called themselves The Artist now must have found her drawing and colored over it, because the blue eyed girl wasn't a goddess any longer. She wasn't a queen, or even a princess anymore, and it pained her just thinking about it.

_Ugly_.

She caught sight of one of the blue eyed girl's friends, a boy with wild brown hair, and immediately looked away.

That boy... He shouldn't be allowed to smile. It was far, far too kind of an expression for someone as vile and despicable as him.

But she took her mind off of it as quickly as the thoughts arrived. It was best not to think of those things.

She shook her head and exited the classroom without a word. She was their teacher this time around, so it wasn't a surprise that she was leaving her students behind in a state of shock.

Some called out to her, the fallen princess and the vile monster to be more precise, but she couldn't be bothered anymore. It was time they were left behind.

Something needed to change.

"Where are you going?" A blonde haired teacher called out to her as she passed by, but even the woman's ever present green eyed glare was not about to stop her.

No, because she knew better. Those eyes that looked so strong held behind them a soul that could be easily broken.

And it's the newest addition to their hallway gathering, a blue eyed, pink haired male that breaks the blonde's spirit.

Not that it's happened yet.

"What's this?" He wants to know, but she sidesteps him and does her best to keep any part of her body for meeting his reaching grasp.

She's never been comfortable near him before, and it most certainly wasn't about to start now. Not when she could still feel the razorblade touch of his hands on her flesh, and the cold, unrelenting grip he once had on her heart.

"It needs to change," she whispers aloud, but no ones heard the sound. Not like they would. She's been fairly quiet this time around. After all, she could only tell the world how to spin so many times before it sought to defy her.

That was the time to change it, she realized some time ago (but not without suffering the consequences in the meantime.

"I'll change it."

"Change what?" A counseler's keeping pace with her, but with a few words she shuts him down.

"You don't care." A harsh thing to whisper to someone dedicated to helping others, but she's lived his life before, and she knows the truth. He's in his thirties, so by now he's given up on humanity. Blue hair can only hide a scarred face so much. For the rest, to hide a scarred body, it takes so much more.

But she dropped the topic the minute her feet touched the stairs approaching the building's roof. Finally, she easily made her way up the stairs and through the normally locked rooftop door.

"Mrs. ––" Her name was carried off somewhere in the breeze, but she did not care. It did not matter to her if she heard the name or not. It wasn't her real name, so why pretend to bother?

Besides, in a few moments the name wouldn't mean a thing to her, except maybe as another notch on her mental "lifetime wall". If such a thing existed.

"It doesn't," She's whispering louder now, she can tell, but the silver haired man behind her isn't concerning himself with her words.

No, because he has other things to concern himself with, such as those disturbing love letters he always finds attatched to his personal belongings.

He thinks they're nothing, but they're something, as she had found out the hard way.

Maybe he should concern himself with that, a thought passed, but she loses track of it watching the clouds above her head. Black hair obstructs the view, but she casually brushes it out of her blue eyes and smiles.

She's made it this far again. She must be doing better, even though she's sure nothing's changed.

But it needed to.

And she would change it.

The wind whips around her small frame, and the sky above her head turns a darker shade of gray.

"Ms. ––" There goes that name, but she doesn't want it. It isn't hers. This is just another life she's testing out.

"Ms.––?

"Ms.––?!

"XION!"

Ah, there it is. The life she's borrowing- The person, the body, and the name.

"But it's never my own," she whispers and closes her eyes.

Her clothes whip back and forth on her body from the speed of the wind roaring around her.

She's changing, but not to herself. It's never herself. She'll never have her place again...

Golden eyes blink her way, "You're here _again_?" The everpresent nothingness takes in her helplessness, lifts her from the floor, then laughs.

She ignores it because she's comfortable. In his embrace, she can sleep, even if it won't last long.

This is emptiness, she reminds herself. Things outside of it may shift, but within the nothingness, there's no change.

"Vanitas..." She reaches out to touch his pale face, but again, before she can get comfortable, it's gone.

Instead, in it's place is the reflection of a blue eyed, blonde haired girl who's image is all to familiar.

She's been here before, she knows it, and instead of the tragic apathy she's become accustomed to, she scared. Frightened. Terrified.

This life was a cursed life- what she longed for and feared rolled into an imperfect body.

This was, is, Life Number-

She presses her fingers to the mirror, grimaces, pulls back the hand, strikes the glass.

And _screams_.


	2. Chapter One

Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and thank you for the favorite!

Disclaimer: I do not own. Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me, but rather to those who contributed to its creation...

Warning(s): Mentions of self harm and suicidal tendencies, contains dark themes.

Another warning: Situations surrounding the pairings may not end optimistically...

* * *

Chapter One

She's been here before, she knows it, and instead of the tragic apathy she's become accustomed to, she scared. Frightened. Terrified.

This life was a cursed life- what she feared and hated all rolled into a perfect sphere.

This was, _is_, Life Number-

She presses her fingers to the mirror, grimaces, pulls back the hand, strikes the glass.

And screams.

XoXoXoXoX

Her hand is wrapped now; she recognizes the feel of bandaging over her left hand almost better than she knows her own name.

And why wouldn't she? Gauze and medical tape were the only things she knew in this life.

_Life number-_

She shook her head, dispelling the thought.

Now was not the time, she told herself. She needed to find out where she was, but observing the world around her only did so little.

She wanted Nothing. He was the only thing that could solve her current dilemma.

_But he's not here right now_; she exhaled, looking past her sandaled feet to the world below. People dressed in various states of attire, from multiple layered suits to one article beach attire moved at random paces as they either entered or exited the train station. Groups of individuals gathered randomly, exchanging words that became lost in the surrounding hustle and bustle of what she assumed to be "everyday life".

Dully, she shook her head. _Those humans_, she closed her eyes.

"They'll never understand."

She opened her eyes and turned to her left. Golden eyes, eyes full of familiarity and distance, crinkled atop a wide, sharp fanged smirk.

"That's what you're thinking, isn't it?"

The wind whipped around them, rustling hair of black and hair the color of blonde. The edges of her cotton white dress fluttered in the breeze, but she was far too caught up in the presence of emptiness to feel the cold.

"You're here." It was more of an observation or statement rather than a question, but he still nodded in reply.

"Where else would I be?"

It was a rhetorical, and she was in no mood.

"What's happening to me?" She jumped straight to the point. "Why?" she made vague gestures at her form, "Why..._this_ again?"

Dark eyebrows furrowed in contemplation, but that miniscule display of emotion was over just as fast as it had begun.

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know?" The smirk was back in place, but she could see through it. His voice no longer carried with the bite of arrogance, and his eyes did not glimmer with sadistic glee.

"You don't know either," she pointed out listlessly; turning back to look out toward the Twilight Town's setting sun.

"Is that right?" The deep, cool tenor of nothingness challenged her, his voice soft and low like a villain's whisper. Beside her, the sound of the rustling fabric and heavy footfalls could be heard as he moved away from her again, choosing to walk on the air in front of the clock tower rather than remain in the solid construct.

She pulled her legs in beneath her body and slowly stood. Her mouth was moist and her skin began to become covered in a thin film of sweat. She couldn't walk on air like It could, but she's tempted to try.

Around them, the sky appeared to darken. A feral smirk was aimed her way as a hand was held out in her direction. She did not like it, but could not help it when the flesh she's stuck in began to tremble.

"What is going on?" She demanded amongst the whipping breeze. The nonexist held up a single digit against its lips and blew.

"Shh..." He then dropped his hand from his lips and spread his fingers to open a dark portal beneath his feet. "You'll ruin the surprise."

Abruptly, he tossed back his head and laughed manically at the sky as he slowly became consumed by an unnatural darkness that seemed to bleed into the sky.

She dropped her twitching hand to her side and calmed the rumbling of her current flesh. Blue eyes narrowed at the dissipating form of emptiness, and then switched their gaze to the unaware crowd existing below, making their journeys to and fro.

Short, dark hair catches her attention, but when she blinks, the image is gone, leaving behind a faint, nearly nonexistent memory.

...Something she's incredibly envious of.

The winds blow in her direction, her hair and tail end of her dress ruffle out behind her. Before her, the sky continues on its transformation to night.

"Everything needs to change," she closed her eyes, raised her arms...

And unknowingly subjected herself to an embrace that twirled her away from the clock tower's edge.

"There's no need for that," the voice that whispered in her ear wasn't her own, but it was one she was familiar with. She could feel the connection within her chest, somewhere in the space where less detached persons would say the heart was.

She's lived this individual's life before. Being around for as long as she had, the sensation was one that was impossible to miss. But who was it?

She dropped her arms, raised her gaze.

Then vomited the food she had no recollection of eating onto her embracer's shoes.

"What the _hell_?!"

"Ha Ha Ha! _No way_!"

There were others around them, each expressing various ranges of disgust, disbelief, and manic glee, but their words were stifled by the sounds of another life.

_Distantly, she could hear the sounds of screams. But they were nothing to her, just another reason for her to laugh louder._

_The monotony was gone, and they only had him to thank._

**_So beautiful. So kind. So wonderful._**

_I...I don't want this..._

_**But I Love You!**_

"No..." She moaned, battling a wave of panic and illness that she'd not felt since the life she decided that emotions were worthless pastimes. She freed herself, fled to the place she had the misfortune of calling "home" a second time and searched around manically for something to change this life.

It just started, but it was not working.

She needed to start over. The shattered mirror that no one bothered to clean up seemed like a rewind. Grabbing the shattered glass beneath her feet, she raised it to the flesh of her arm and searched for change.

_Start over_, the word whispered above the canopy of screams that called from all around her.

_Go away_. She told the slowly darkening world, clenching a piece of the undesired reality in a hand so tightly it began to stick into the palm.

_This isn't fun anymore!_ Red streamed across crimson spattered white carpet, but the world did not fade with the white.

She raised the glass higher in her hands, catching her reflection before losing it to the reflection of moonlight. Just as well, she motionlessly shrugged. She did not want to see her reflection.

It was stained, and far uglier than she remembered.

The bedroom door she swore she locked slammed open recklessly. Two people clamored into the room, panic, pain, and fear etched into their features.

"_Naminé_!" They cried.

She flinched, just barely. Everything around her was becoming disjointed...

XoXoXoXoX

"What are you doing?"

It was far from glass, but again something was removed from her grasp. A fake plastic lunch tray, loaded with things she barely identified as food. It was hardly what she thought of as the perfect start. But, anything to change everything...

A hand waved in front of her face. She slowly blinked the moving limb into focus.

_Rox...as..? _She moved her lips around the letters but never uttered a sound. Listless eyes, heavy from wake and sleep, did their best in an attempt to look the blond boy's way.

Blue eyes lit with amusement but dead from the monotone environment took in her appearance as the boy set her tray off to the side and pulled her away.

"This food is junk," he cupped his hand with hers and lead the way to a table to the far left of the decent sized cafeteria room.

Absently, she wondered why there was so much extra space. Not many people in the place inhabited the room at the same time. Then again, as she had been told by veteran inhabitants, it "wasn't safe" to have everyone in a single space. They did not clarify, but she did not press. She had no plans to discover what that could possibly mean. But even if she could...

She was considered something of a "high-risk subject" and was almost never left alone. The orderlies at the Twilight Town Mental Institution refused her the chance of starting the world over. The very thought itched her healing crisscross bearing arms, and the realization bothered her...

It was healing. Everything had been undone.

She tilted her head, slowly blinked her eyes and fought back the urge to cry. Where was the inevitability? The all-encompassing nothingness? Why had he left her awake when all she wanted to do was fall asleep?

Blinking, grabbing at her suddenly heavy head, she turned away from the new tray of food and hollowly cursed the golden eyed entity.

He was never there when she was tired...

"Naminé?" She flinched, hearing the name again. To his credit, Roxas had the decency to mutter a half-hearted apology her way before continuing.

"Are you..?" His bottom lip set into a straight line. "...Just eat."

The teen, a year older than she, sat across from her but kept his gaze and his expression a million miles gone. It was difficult to tell whether Roxas was playing the world around him with his poker face or if he was genuinely a world's distance away. But she could tell the difference. She knew what was real and what the facade was. She had to know; she was him, he was her at one point in time.

...It did not end well.

_Rox...as..._ She moved her lips, but sound did not make a way through. He glanced in her direction but looked away just as quickly.

"This is better for you," He pressed the tray closer to her direction with a single finger. "It's apple sauce," he informed her, aware that it was something that, honestly, she already knew. Apple sauce was something he offered her from the first day she arrived here.

And that was...how many days ago?

She did not care. It never mattered before, and it never will again.

Time was just a phase. Given a chance, she would fade it into nothing.

_Then_, she reminded herself_, everything would begin again_.

But, honestly, that sounded a lot better for her than the heaping bowl of mushy fruit sitting in front of her.

XoXoXoXoX

"Why are you here?"

Looking in the direction of the roof, staring at the ceiling as though she could see the sky, Naminé gave nothing in reply.

She was not rude. The living she's done has taught her how to play nice exceptionally well. It was just...

She did not answer because she could not.

Why was she here?

"Because I wanted to have fun." Her mouth moved before she decided if it was a good idea to speak.

Roxas hummed under his breath an acknowledgement and pressed his forehead into the pillow she had on her bed.

He had snuck away again, somehow made his way into her room and found a space in the smallish bed to make himself comfortable. But that was what they did. When she was him and he was just a backburner soul waiting for a chance play the game of life, she led them to sneak off on their own. A lot.

...But, again, it did not end well.

And the horrible ending was brought upon them by the very redhead that chose to stand directly across from her.

It was a new day today. The sun was shining, the windows were open, letting in a comforting breeze, but Naminé could not seem to catch her breath. This visitor standing across from her, he was the one she had vomited on in the clock tower, but he was also-

"Ah..!" She could not help it but to breathe loudly.

He had been one of her firsts, a terrible being that had tainted both her flesh and her hands at various times.

All for the same boy named...

"Roxas," thin arms opened wide expectantly, but only received an embrace from tension-weighted air. "Hey, buddy!" He smiled brightly. "Did you miss me?"

Roxas took a step back, and Naminé reached for the neckline of her suddenly ridiculously stiff short sleeve shirt.

_I...I don't want this..._

_**I Love You.**_

Her knees locked, and she paled when, seemingly dismissively, the redhead with green eyes cast her a brief glance.

"Who's your new _friend_?"

The blond haired boy at her side narrowed his eyes and pulled Naminé protectively behind him. The touch helped her, burned her, and froze her up, all at once.

"Axel..." Blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "What do you want?"

Bright green eyes squinted confusedly. "What are you talking about?" He shook his head out of disbelief. "I'm here to see you."

_Run away from him!_

_**Stay With Me!**_

She began to back away from the duo, unwilling to allow herself to fall into the invisible whirlwind of lost bred confusion.

Her chest ached and her head hurt, and it began to hurt worse when she remembered that she had become unaccustomed to pain. At least, from the physical realm.

The start/repeat existence that plagued her was a different matter entirely.

So, now, why did her chest hurt? Was she sickly this time around? That would explain it. But, that was not something that occurred to her during the...other time she lead this life...

XoXoXoXoX

"Can you still feel his eyes on you?" Naminé had numbed herself to the feelings attached to the lives she's lived, but still, without skin-to-skin contact, she could feel Roxas tremble in fear.

"...What are you talking about?" Blue eyes looked to the ceiling, up to the roof, and stared out to spaces even further than the sky.

Outmatched, but far from outclassed, she brought her eyes back down to earth and looked into the blue of the teenaged boy's eyes as his gaze continued to travel.

"It's nothing," she lied, more than aware of the predicament Roxas was going through.

She's, unfortunately, existed on both sides of the glass. It both thrilled her and frightened her, even as she easily dodged the emotions that allow such feelings to occur.

"Just dreaming..." She closed her eyes.

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "Going to sleep?"

The sheets of her bed ruffled as she pulled her knees to her chest and shook her head.

Sleep? Naminé wished.

_..._

_**"Do you know how much trouble I'm in, just because I wanted to see you?"**_

_..._

_**"I want you!"**_

_..._

Naminé woke up to noise, but for the first time since she'd reopened eyes that were better left shut, the screaming in her ears came from someone else.

XoXoXoXoX

"What the _hell _are you looking at?!"

He wasn't talking to her, never spoke to her, but Naminé averted her eyes anyway. She looked at the patterns in the polished floor, to the holes in the perforated ceiling, and back again.

Anything to keep her sight away from his. It would bode ill for her if their eyes met.

She refused to acknowledge the sheer savagery Roxas exhibited. Tossing his food to the floor, using the plastic tray as a weapon against anyone whom treaded just a little too closely. He cursed and kicked and punched and screamed until someone (though, more times than not, staff security) came to pull the blond off of some poor helpless sap whom may or may not have had those rapid blows coming.

She hated it. Watching him was an embarrassment- like having someone take a period of humiliating experiences and play them in front of a large crowd.

She did not want to see it anymore, so she discarded her empty food tray and left.

Roxas' life was not her responsibility anymore. It was his, and he was handling it piss poorly so far.

She lived it better, though she did not judge the reasons for his actions. No, because she knew. She _knew_.

And when she woke in the middle of the night, sweat dripping down her chin and urine wetting the edges of her dress, she pressed the call button for a nurse, stripped both her bed and body, and did not question why.

XoXoXoXoX

"You're beginning to lose it," He gestured wildly with one hand as he stood above her head and sneered down at her. "You're _actually _beginning to lose it."

She ignored him, gave her eyes a chance to rest beneath a sea of damp, golden hair. The water around her was clear; the steam from the warm bath and her pale, naked body could easily be seen.

"I don't know what you're talking about." she rested her chin on her knees.

"It's all right here!" Nothingness snatched her arm and waved her temporary "loss" in the air for the entire world to see.

She tucked her chin and hid in her hair. Never before had she felt this...nakedness.

She hated it.

"How long?" She snatched her arm free. Gold eyes blinked at her. She plunged her arm into the warm water, shielding her weakness from the world, and elaborated. "How long does... _she _have?"

Tired eyes looked into the face of emptiness, and darkness smirks back.

"How long did _you _have?"

...

When Naminé wakes up the next morning, she's strapped to the bed with no idea why.

XoXoXoXoX

"You sure make a lot of noise," he's speaking again, this time directly to her, and she's unsure what to think about it.

"I could hear you across the hallway."

"Boys rooms are toward the opposite of the building," she pointed out dully, an act that is more of an informative than actual conversation.

Roxas nodded his head but shrugged his shoulders, as if hearing her words but dismissing their meaning by recklessly brushing them off.

"It's easier to sleep on the girls' side," he answered easily, as though his words could not be taken as an admission of perverted tendencies.

She lowered the spoon she was using to eat her oatmeal to the table and pushed the bowl aside.

"...You're reckless," she glowered at him.

"And you're insane," he discreetly pointed down to one of her wrists and pushed back from the plastic rounded table. "It's something that sometimes comes with the territory."

She wanted to nod her head but shook it instead.

"It never got you anywhere before..."

And now, like before, Roxas is looking at her with expectant and fearful eyes.

"What do you mean, _Naminé_?"

She twitches so hard it accidently knocks their half full bowls of food off of the table.

She _hates _that name, hates it so much. He knows it, and she knows that he knows it.

That, she would later on _not _explain to a crackling golden eyed presence, is probably why she said the things she said.

_Arms wrapped around his skin. They pulled him in close and terrifyingly, tramatizingly, refused to let him go._

"He still loves you, you know?"

Roxas barely had time to turn his head to the side before his breakfast of fresh cut fruit and luke warm oatmeal went flying from his mouth. All around, the cafeteria was filled with a bitter-sweet scent and the echo of vomit landing on the floor with a loud and violent sounding splat.

Nurses and various other staff began to approach the two, questioning what happened and why, but she only ducked her head and waited to be escorted to her room.


End file.
